Clouded Horizons:Jazz Café

Welcome to the Clouded Horizons Jazz Café. Feel free to sit down, take a look around, maybe have a cup of tea (Earl Grey, if you're wondering) while you browse around. The music's playing, the atmosphere is light, and there's no better place to sit back, relax, and watch what happens when the administrators of the Clouded Horizons project decide that it's time to go beyond the impossible and kick seriousness (and the fourth wall) to the curb.

It is the Gurren-Dan Clouded Horizons way, after all.

Administrator Antics

Angel

Angel, as the oldest of the administrators (not that I'll say how much older), is usually the go-to guy for the more obscure topics, especially when it comes to music. It's also noted constantly (usually by himself) that he is "brilliant" and "the greatest."

The latter is usually because Darius and/or Ben want something. Usually Darius, though.

Let it be known that Angel really is the greatest. He's also a real man of genius. This, he has proved many, many times.

Angel's Office

Angel, as the new Headmaster of Galbadia Garden, newly renamed Esthar Garden, has acquired both the position and the office of Martine, the previous Headmaster. In a trip to the Soul Plane, Angel made inadvertent mention of this office regarding paperwork. He then promptly refused to disclose details of where the office was to Ben. This has become a running joke in the out-of-character chat, with the typical response to Ben's inquiry as to where the office is being "in a building."

(Exactly What It Says On The Tin. It started out-of-character, then was actually referenced in-character. It's practically canon, really. ~ Ben)

Bullets

Sometimes, it can be...difficult to find something you want. Take, for instance, bullets. You never know when you'll lose 'em, you'll never know when you'll need 'em, but you can take it for certain that once you realize you don't have them? You may need to wash out your mouth with soap.

Don't worry! ACME can help.

(Angel was working on his website in Dreamweaver one night while on voice chat. Through some random happenstance of fate, he could not find the option that allowed him to place bullet points. After a couple minutes of fruitless searching, he decided to just vent some stress. Cue the Cluster F Bomb on voice chat. Hilarity Ensues. ~ Ben)

Ben

Ben is the self-proclaimed "smart one" of the group, and (most of the time) lives up to the name, drawing great amusement from baffling the other two admins with complex math and unusual facts. It's a double-edged sword, though, because this so-called "intelligence" means that he's also the most likely to Fail A Spot Check, both for physical objects and ideas, especially in plots.

The other two administrators take great joy in pointing out this fact every chance they get.

GCS

Due to his...exploits, both in and out of RP, Ben has earned a distinction from Rubedo as having GCS, or "Gender Crisis Syndrome." Constantly railed on because of this fact, Ben is not above and beyond ragging on himself, if it means a good laugh.

(I have a tendency to both play and be better at playing female characters than male ones in RP - I also crossplay, almost disturbingly well according to others, which doesn't help the issue. This is quite often the source of amusement for the three of us, and hardly a day goes by when I don't hear something about it at least once. ~ Ben)

Taser Time

Benji: Seems pretty safe around here, so I think I'll just go ahead and take a shower!

Darius: Famous last words. "Billy? ...Billy? ...I'm gonna get naked and take a shower!" And then bam! You're dead.

Benji: Like in Psycho. You wouldn't have hired anybody, would you?

Darius: (somewhat quickly) Hired someone? I would never.

Benji: Uh huh. I think I'll take a taser into the shower with me, just in case.

(If, after reading, your first impression was that Benji was 100% serious, then you are 'not alone' in your assumption. I, however, can completely assure you that he was, in fact, 'not' serious, and that it is 'perfectly acceptable' for you to have thought so. Do not be alarmed. Benji has not yet died of taser-in-shower related wounds. ~ Darius)

Xeria, Kairi, and Rikku

What do all of these characters have in common, with the potential exception of Kairi? Lack of clothing. Whether it's Xeria or Rikku's blatant lack of clothing, or Kairi's apparent profession as a stripper, these three ladies get a significant portion of abuse shoved their way for their taste in fashion.

(One piece at a time, here. Xeria's reason for this entry comes from her original picture - I had originally used the character Unknown from Tekken Tag Tournament, whose picture is decidedly lightly-clothed. After much ragging on from Darius about how she was "practically naked," I eventually changed the picture to that of Mistress 9 from Sailor Moon. This hasn't stopped complaints, mind you, but it helped.

Rikku...well, Rikku kinda speaks for herself, given that she's wearing what amounts to a bikini and a belt.

Kairi is almost as simple, though much stranger. Some time ago, in out-of-character chat, Darius labeled Kairi a stripper out of the blue. For some odd reason, it stuck, and probably persists even though none of us have mentioned it in years. ~ Ben)

Darius

Darius is the self-proclaimed "lazy one" of the group, and it shows by the amount of biography pages on the wiki that belong to him, versus how many belong to the other two admins. Nevertheless, he has his uses - he's a master plotter, and his programming skills compliment Ben's well; there's almost nothing the two of them can't puzzle out when working together.

He's (not so) secretly plotting to take over the company that hasn't even been established yet, but Angel and Ben both think that he'll grow tired of the idea of control before he even makes his move. Unless that's what he wants them to think...

Planeswalker's Crossing

You know you've thought about it. What could one call a rewrite of Dimensional Legend? Well, we came up with this.

---

Clouded Horizons Presents...
Planeswalker's Crossing

---

Undertake dangerous missions from holy priests.

Dharma van Bhakti: Mr. Kuchiki's Crystal Path has expanded unchecked for too long. End his life.
Benji Powell:

• Option 1: I obey, Master.
• Option 2: Got any china?

Customize your chosen Planeswalker with limitless accessories!

• Goggles of Hynesight
• Spillproof Vest
• Pillar-Resistant Cloth
• Gloves of Pacifying Will

As I'm sure you can tell, we enjoy our work here. Based off this Penny-Arcade Comic.

Song Overrides

(Darius can have momentary flashes of awesome. Sometimes. When he's trying. ~ Ben)

Song: Queen - We Are The Champions
Remake: Katal Corelia - These Are My Daggers

Song: Haddaway - What Is Love
Remake: Darius DeValle - What's A Heart?

Song: Dr. Evil and Mini Me - It's A Hard Knock Life
Remake: Albel Nox and Sniper Kitty - It's My Big Hurt-Y

Song: Mulan - I'll Make A Man Out Of You
Remake: Chandler Detente - I'll Make More Money From Your Corpse

Song: Billy Joel - Why Should I Worry
Remake: Yuki Kurabasa - Who Should I Marry

Song: Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting
Remake: Serene Elmirae - Bankai Knitting

Song: Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started
Remake: Ein Beoulve - Let's Hug The Ovis Aries

Tuxedo Lightning

A sort of side note to the above mention of Ben's "GCS," Ben also has a penchant for playing the members of the Sailor Senshi (Sailor Scouts, for those who like English). This led to the writing of two different, strange asides of sorts by both Ben and Darius detailing their characters interacting with said females. In both instances, not only did Darius manage to hit on Makoto Kino, Sailor Jupiter, but he also managed to upstage heroines, villains, and ally alike as the snazzily-dressed Tuxedo Lightning, as he dubbed himself. This immediately led to four of the five Senshi getting electrocuted, along with Jadeite, Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite getting nailed with a Spiral Masquerade Limit from Ben.

Whom Darius promptly left behind to go on a date with the aforementioned Sailor Jupiter, the only one to be left unharmed...except for Sailor Venus.

(I actually wrote a very short one-shot detailing this. Rather amusing, and pure crack, according to the others. Though, I wouldn't put it past Darius to pull something like that in actuality... ~ Ben)

Character Quirks

Ein's Biography

Ein has become such a different character in OOC than in IC chat, that Darius felt it only appropriate that he...how shall we say, modify his biography entry to reflect his OOC status a little better. The result is as follows.

• Name: Ein Etchel Beoulve
• Title: King of Macabahbia, The Shepherd, and the Savior of Sheep
• Age: Innocent Tyke
• Gender: Loved by all, hated by none
• Date of Birth: The Year of the Baaaah-bah
• Zodiac Sign: The Great Sheep
• SeeD ID: N U M B E R
• Rank(s): Supreme Commander of the United Ovis Aries of Macabahbia (Grand Admiral), Garden SeeD Commander (Fleet Admiral)
• Guardian Force(s): HYNE-MOS
• Main Theme: Loveable Rogue [Techno Mix] by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

(In this case, sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction. I wish I were making this up. ~ Ben)

Sailor Tremont

Sailor Tremont, doing...something.

A sweet innocent girl, who Darius just happened to break. But, in her spare time of not having her own personal emo kid world, we find out her secret identity as Sailor Tremont!

(Explanation falls to me, it seems. Carrie Tremont was a character from our FFIX RP, Runic Legacy. Over the course of it, Carrie's personality shifted from a kind, naive, city-raised young girl to someone who was mentally and physically distraught after Daemon Sylvarrant took it upon himself to break her in mind and body.

Angel, apparently, decided that she needed something nice and uplifting in her life, like being a Sailor Senshi of love and justice, and Photoshopped her original image into what you see here. ~ Ben)

The Senior

Darius Elric "The Senior" DeValle, Sr. One of the most dramatic examples of good business in Clouded Horizons, he was notorious for both his excellent business abilities and his cutthroat tactics, eventually culminating in a plot to dispose of a SeeD who knew too much.

Oh, and he's been instated, incarcerated, and institutionalized. Draw from that what you will.

Also, apparently, a wife-beater style shirt is the true source of the Senior's full power, and not his Scholar Transcendence Class as was thought all along. The Senior's magical output seems to be on par with a high Ethereal-Class being when wearing said article of clothing...which usually leads to people being atomized for little reason.

This same wife-beater is also considered his Diviner. Its release command is "Master the flows of magic, Wifebeater!"

Notable Quotes

"That's Satan talking! Are you a Bad enough Dude to resist Satan?!"

―Angel, upon Ben insinuating that he would play the song "Change of Pace"

"Pooping is a spiritual experience."

―Angel

"If you'll excuse the pun, I'm "Chuck"ling."

―Angel, while discussing Chuck Norris jokes.

"I know you can see all the subtle manipulations in one of Katanas DeValle's overarching and brilliant plans...but can you see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?!"

―Ben

"Well, I can't rely on my feminine wiles all the time..."

―Ben

"Alt-F4. The ‘alt’ernate ‘f’ing solution."

―Darius

"The UPS with the GCS."

―Darius, about Ben

"I sat there, staring into her lap, wanting oh so much to reach for the forbidden fruit. She kept it to herself, her sanctity, the holy-of-holies, but I wanted it, and I was going to take it by any means necessary. I would get that Cheez-It box."

―Darius

"A magical item without a charge is like a sword without a blade. Kinda pointless, really."

―Darius

Roleplay Ridicule

(Ein Etchel Beoulve - Darius; Makoto Kino - Ben)

Ein Etchel Beoulve: The Negotiator says:
....B-Ben? looks up with the EYES ...Ben? You know...you know you're the greatest right? Best SeeD we've seen in a long time and all!

Makoto Kino: Senshi of Lightning, Sailor Jupiter says:
..........

Ein Etchel Beoulve: The Negotiator says:
....Oh, look, I dropped something! *gasps* Uh oh! This pay raise seems to have your name on it! How strange is that!

Makoto Kino: Senshi of Lightning, Sailor Jupiter says:
......

---

(Ben/Manes/Yuki - Ben; Celes - Angel)

(10:42 PM) Yuki Katsumi Kur: ...Any ideas?

Ben: Hm...you know? Just one.

A moment later, he closed his eyes.

Ben: Hey. Manes. I need a tour guide to the Nether Realm. It's your lucky day.

Manes: ...And what makes you think that I know my way around such a place?

Ben: ...Do I really have to answer that?

Manes: ......What's in it for me.

Ben: I won't have to come in there and rip the information out of you personally?

A moment passed.

Manes: ...Very well.

Ben: He smiled. Good.

(But...sometimes he doesn't have to say anything at all. Others do it for him.)

(12:39 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: Manes: Dark energy...tons of it. This place is precisely the negative counterpart of your precious Ethereal Realm. You may find Holy skills effective...or you may find them completely useless. I can't for the life of me remember which.

He smirks. Yuki just shivers.

(12:42 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes smirks at Ben/Manes.

Celes: For a freak, you're interesting.

---

(Dealen Tormin - Rubedo, Hikari Tanaka - Kari Inihara, Chief Inquisitor Margulis - Daniel Rydell.)

(3:21 AM) Dealen Tormin: B: Angel is talking about what he can do with Hyne's clothes.
(3:21 AM) Dealen Tormin: B: Ein: *eyes flashing*
(3:21 AM) Hikari Tanaka: M: I'll bet he knows one thing he can do with Hyne's clothes.
(3:21 AM) Dealen Tormin: B: O_O
(3:21 AM) Hikari Tanaka: M: *GONE*
(3:21 AM) Chief Inquisitor: ...

---

(Darius DeValle - Rubedo, Ben - Kari Inihara, Drew Carey - Daniel Rydell.)

(12:50 AM) Darius DeValle:: (Katanas: It's okay, Celes. You're not going [to save the world.] We're going [to save the world.])
(12:51 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: (Hey, Katanas looks like a...lonely man, you might say. All those military duties to take care of has to be tiring...*wink wink*)
(12:52 AM) Darius DeValle:: (Kisara: she looks at Celes ... 'That...that hussy! She's movin' in on my fine hunk of alchemist! I'd better do away with her while she's still in a weakened state...' )
(12:52 AM) Drew Carey: (Celes: You'll die once I'm used to this new world. Trust me.)
(12:53 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: (Kisara: O_O)

---

(Ben - Kari Inihara, Celes - Daniel Rydell.)

(1:31 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes: She shrugs. Maybe if we give them a tribute of fire and earth?
(1:31 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: ...Have you forgotten where we are?
(1:32 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes: Looks around The potential for fire is high.
(1:32 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: We're in Hell. I'd hope so.
(1:33 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes: ... Deadpan. Oh, I get it.

---

(Princess Serenity - Kari Inihara, Haseo- Rubedo.)

(6:35 PM) Princess Serenit: *an eclipse overtakes the sun suddenly...then fades*
(6:37 PM) Haseo: Adept Rog: So, you do dress in the dark. Alright.
(6:37 PM) Princess Serenit: .....
(6:37 PM) Princess Serenit: *gape*
(6:40 PM) Princess Serenit: ...*sniffle* That was mean...
(6:40 PM) Haseo: Adept Rog: Opportunities such as that? Too good to pass up.

---

Ben: You know the Overlord was talking to someone like Grimmjow before all this started.

(5:32 PM) Grimmjow: What is thy bidding, my master?
(5:32 PM) Overlord: It's a disaster. Tri-Edge, we're after.
(5:32 PM) Grimmjow: What if he could be turned to the Dark Side?
(5:32 PM) Overlord: *stands up* Yes! He'd be a powerful ally...another Espada guy...
(5:32 PM) Grimmjow: He will join us or die.

---

(Jace Beleren - Darius)

Jace Beleren: 250,000 word fanfiction - that's a lot for fan submitted material, a lot for a screen!
Benji: Ooh...
Jace Beleren: Pshew. Chump change.
Jace Beleren: Now.
Jace Beleren: We're going to kick it up a notch.
Benji: Now. Your next task.
Benji: Write one.
Jace Beleren: ...
Jace Beleren: *scribbles in the Death Note* Anyhow.
Jace Beleren: ...I don't even care what the material of this next fiction is. It must be MASSIVE.
Jace Beleren: And so.
Jace Beleren: I've chosen...
Jace Beleren: As the World Turns - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 663,537 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 2-16-02
Benji: ...
Jace Beleren: 660k+.
Benji: Holy.
Jace Beleren: I don't even know the fandom it's in.
Jace Beleren: LET US BEGIN.
Benji: ...
Benji: What fandom is it in?
Jace Beleren: ...
Jace Beleren: Awkward.
Jace Beleren: "As the World Turns"
Jace Beleren: As in, the TV show.
Benji: ...
Jace Beleren: ...As in...
Jace Beleren: .....
Benji: THAT.
Jace Beleren: SOAP OPERA!?
Benji: YES.
Benji: SOAP OPERA.
Jace Beleren: .....
Jace Beleren: *MEANWHILE*
Benji: You may...
Benji: Wish to reconsider.
Jace Beleren: Freya: *LAUGHING AT THE TV* TAKE THAT, DARIUS! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS!

(Freya, according to Darius, loves to watch soap operas - whether it's merely events in the mortal realm or otherwise. Thus...she now achieves revenge on the instrument of her mockery. ~ Ben)

---

(Albedo - Angel)

Albedo says:
McT-donalds. Over 99 billion pitied.
Ben: Angel of Light and Blade Knight says:
O_O
Ben: Angel of Light and Blade Knight says:
*falls out of the chair laughing*
Darius DeValle: The Bronze Reaver and Elemental Master says:
Auron: ...Impressive.
Shuyin: YOUR MOM!!
Auron: *suddenly held back by Steve and 3 other Jerry Springer bouncers* LEMME CHRONICLE HIM! LEMME CHRONICLE HIM!! I'LL BURY HIM SO FAR IN THE TABLE OF CONTENTS THEY'LL HAVE TO PULL HIM OUT OF THE SUMMARY! NO COURT COULD CONVICT ME!!!
Ben: Angel of Light and Blade Knight says:
...
Ben: Angel of Light and Blade Knight says:
Crowd: Steve! Steve! Steve!
Ben: Angel of Light and Blade Knight says:
Jerry: *sits on a stool* And now, for my final thoughts. When writing the book of life, don't let Auron be the publisher. Take care of yourself, and each other.

---

Angel: Faceless Champion/Holycross Warrior/Wicked Sick Awesome Dude. says:
(Sailor M... *COUGHS* Ben! We gotta save the world again, and we need your bod... *coughs* power to help us!)

---

(Ash Drake - Miri, Usagi Tsukino - Ben, Ami Mizuno - Angel)

(8:48 PM) Ash Drake, Daugh: ((Eli just called Ben's eyelashes pretty.))
(8:48 PM) Usagi Tsukino: S: (...)
(8:48 PM) Ami Mizuno: The: (Well, they are! Ben's dreamy!)
(*RUNS*)
(8:48 PM) Usagi Tsukino: S: (...Well, I am the Princess.)
(8:49 PM) Ami Mizuno: The: (Game. Set. Match. *stands defeated*)

Other Oddities

Ein in Fanfiction

"Katanas...!" Ein whined, blushing.

"Ssssssh, it won't be so bad. This isn't the first time we've done this, after all," Katanas replied, chuckling.

Now, taken together, without context for either, you might assume, and rightly so, that something decidedly M-rated is about to happen. I assure you, that is not the case...this time. These two chapters are actually taken from a fleeting attempt by Darius to write a short story starring everyone's favorite SeeD...and losing his muse after noticing that he'd written them so closely together.

The original context for the first sentence was actually in response by Ein from a statement made about Hyne. The second was Katanas' response to Ein's complaints about having to constantly fill in for him as the elder Planeswalker hit up the Crystal Path.

This just goes to show that the best things about fiction are the things you read between the lines!

Failing Spot Checks

Not just once, but twice during Otakon '09, Darius managed to evade detection from Angel in a most impressive fashion.

By standing directly in front of him.

While Ben is the most likely to fail a spot check, this particular instance of Angel's cannot be overlooked.

The Jazz Café

A notorious OOC event (or was it...?) held at Trabia Garden that has proven the youngest of the Beoulve clan, Ein Etchel Beoulve, is simply the most irresistible force in the known universe. A young prodigy, an excellent administrator, and an innocent, pure soul have endeared him to all - including forces from above.

Also the inspiration for the new name of this page, formerly known as "Talking About..." after a notable OOC quote by Hyne.

~All thunder, be my sword, each wave, my shield, this land, my armor, your heart, my battlefield, so let the sun shine upon my deeds, let my humble steed ride free, this land was meant to be...just for you and me~

Everyone In Garden: swoons

Ben: quietly claps

Katal: Hm. My husband is currently in prison, so I've found my days boring. Perhaps, Mr. Etchel, you'd join me for a cup of tea? In my office?

Silvia: clears her throat Ein, you know you're my husband's boss, so you should come over once in a while. And if he's out on a mission, well, I'd be very happy for your presence! It can be so very trying on me when he's absent...

Rikku: EIN! I'LL JUMP YOUR BONES ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

Ein: FLUSH

Ben: ...........

Jaden: What is this...feeling? Superior poetic talent...and the affections of the one I affect for? He must be MINE.

Dias: You know, I'm slowly starting to like how this day is turning out. Suddenly, all of Garden wants a little piece of Etchy.

Ben: ...You're all starting to scare me. I mean, it's Ein. Yeah, we all love him, but I don't think we need to...obsess over him.

Everyone: YES WE DO.

Ein: ...sweatdrops

Katanas: walks by Just remember who's office he gets to use. That's right. Mine. Means Ein has to come to me each and every single day. walks off humming softly

Everyone glares at Katanas' departing form

Silvia: ...wait a second. Katanas gets exclusive access to Ein everyday...!

Rikku: ...The security is pretty lax at this time of day...

Jaden: ...A simple sleep spell, and we'd be in...

Katal: ...I have the key...

Dias: I'm only in on this number cause it sounds like you're all about to steal Garden's most valuable asset.

Silvia: Mmm, he sure does have a nice a-

Ben: SILVIA!

Hyne: *pops in* I would like to remind you all that anyone who touches my Ein in a fashion I deem inappropriate will cease to exist. Hm, wait, you're all thinking of touching him in fashions I would deem inappropriate! Oooh, I get to flex my endly powers! Who's first!?

The room empties QUICKLY

Hyne: ...Killjoys.

Proper Responses

Some particular quotes, whether by characters or by the admins, have become so notable that they're practically memes in themselves. As such, whenever the quote is started, there is exactly one and only one way to end it.

These quotes include...

• That's right, we're talking about sex!
• Hey guys, what's going on in this thread?!

SeeD Gunship

Due to some budget adjustments, SeeD gunships have been sent out to a different company. The result is...telling.