Clouded Horizons:Jazz Café
Welcome to the Clouded Horizons Jazz Café. Feel free to sit down, take a look around, maybe have a cup of tea (Earl Grey, if you're wondering) while you browse around. The music's playing, the atmosphere is light, and there's no better place to sit back, relax, and watch what happens when the administrators of the Clouded Horizons project decide that it's time to go beyond the impossible and kick seriousness (and the fourth wall) to the curb.
It is the Gurren-Dan Clouded Horizons way, after all.
Contents
Administrator Antics
Angel
Angel, as the oldest of the administrators (not that I'll say how much older), is usually the go-to guy for the more obscure topics, especially when it comes to music. It's also noted constantly (usually by himself) that he is "brilliant" and "the greatest."
The latter is usually because Darius and/or Ben want something. Usually Darius, though.
Let it be known that Angel really is the greatest. He's also a real man of genius. This, he has proved many, many times.
Angel's Office
Angel, as the new Headmaster of Galbadia Garden, newly renamed Esthar Garden, has acquired both the position and the office of Martine, the previous Headmaster. In a trip to Soul Society, Angel made inadvertent mention of this office regarding paperwork. He then promptly refused to disclose details of where the office was to Ben. This has become a running joke in the out-of-character chat, with the typical response to Ben's inquiry as to where the office is being "in a building."
(Exactly What It Says On The Tin. It started out-of-character, then was actually referenced in-character. It's practically canon, really. ~ Ben)
Bullets
Sometimes, it can be...difficult to find something you want. Take, for instance, bullets. You never know when you'll lose 'em, you'll never know when you'll need 'em, but you can take it for certain that once you realize you don't have them? You may need to wash out your mouth with soap.
Don't worry! ACME can help.
(Angel was working on his website in Dreamweaver one night while on voice chat. Through some random happenstance of fate, he could not find the option that allowed him to place bullet points. After a couple minutes of fruitless searching, he decided to just vent some stress. Cue the Cluster F Bomb on voice chat. Hilarity Ensues. ~ Ben)
Ben
Ben is the self-proclaimed "smart one" of the group, and (most of the time) lives up to the name, drawing great amusement from baffling the other two admins with complex math and unusual facts. It's a double-edged sword, though, because this so-called "intelligence" means that he's also the most likely to Fail A Spot Check, both for physical objects and ideas, especially in plots.
The other two administrators take great joy in pointing out this fact every chance they get.
GCS
Due to his...exploits, both in and out of RP, Ben has earned a distinction from Rubedo as having GCS, or "Gender Crisis Syndrome." Constantly railed on because of this fact, Ben is not above and beyond ragging on himself, if it means a good laugh.
(I have a tendency to both play and be better at playing female characters than male ones in RP - I also crossplay, almost disturbingly well according to others, which doesn't help the issue. This is quite often the source of amusement for the three of us, and hardly a day goes by when I don't hear something about it at least once. ~ Ben)
Taser Time
- Benji: Seems pretty safe around here, so I think I'll just go ahead and take a shower!
- Darius: Famous last words. "Billy? ...Billy? ...I'm gonna get naked and take a shower!" And then bam! You're dead.
- Benji: Like in Psycho. You wouldn't have hired anybody, would you?
- Darius: (somewhat quickly) Hired someone? I would never.
- Benji: Uh huh. I think I'll take a taser into the shower with me, just in case.
(If, after reading, your first impression was that Benji was 100% serious, then you are 'not alone' in your assumption. I, however, can completely assure you that he was, in fact, 'not' serious, and that it is 'perfectly acceptable' for you to have thought so. Do no be alarmed. Benji has not yet died of taser-in-shower related wounds. ~ Darius)
Xeria, Kairi, and Rikku
What do all of these characters have in common, with the potential exception of Kairi? Lack of clothing. Whether it's Xeria or Rikku's blatant lack of clothing, or Kairi's apparent profession as a stripper, these three ladies get a significant portion of abuse shoved their way for their taste in fashion.
(One piece at a time, here. Xeria's reason for this entry comes from her original picture - I had originally used the character Unknown from Tekken Tag Tournament, whose picture is decidedly lightly-clothed. After much ragging on from Darius about how she was "practically naked," I eventually changed the picture to that of Mistress 9 from Sailor Moon. This hasn't stopped complaints, mind you, but it helped.
Rikku...well, Rikku kinda speaks for herself, given that she's wearing what amounts to a bikini and a belt.
Kairi is almost as simple, though much stranger. Some time ago, in out-of-character chat, Darius labeled Kairi a stripper out of the blue. For some odd reason, it stuck, and probably persists even though none of us have mentioned it in years. ~ Ben)
Darius
Darius is the self-proclaimed "lazy one" of the group, and it shows by the amount of biography pages on the wiki that belong to him, versus how many belong to the other two admins. Nevertheless, he has his uses - he's a master plotter, and his programming skills compliment Ben's well; there's almost nothing the two of them can't puzzle out when working together.
He's (not so) secretly plotting to take over the company that hasn't even been established yet, but Angel and Ben both think that he'll grow tired of the idea of control before he even makes his move. Unless that's what he wants them to think...
Planeswalker's Crossing
You know you've thought about it. What could one call a rewrite of Dimensional Legend? Well, we came up with this.
Planeswalker's Crossing
Undertake dangerous missions from holy priests.
Dharma van Bhakti: Mr. Kuchiki's Crystal Path has expanded unchecked for too long. End his life.
Benji Powell:
- Option 1: I obey, Master.
- Option 2: Got any china?
Customize your chosen Planeswalker with limitless accessories!
- Goggles of Hynesight
- Spillproof Vest
- Pillar-Resistant Cloth
- Gloves of Pacifying Will
As I'm sure you can tell, we enjoy our work here. Based off this Penny-Arcade Comic.
Song Overrides
(Darius can have momentary flashes of awesome. Sometimes. When he's trying. ~ Ben)
Song: Queen - We Are The Champions
Remake: Katal Corelia - These Are My Daggers
Song: Haddaway - What Is Love
Remake: Darius DeValle - What's A Heart?
Song: Dr. Evil and Mini Me - It's A Hard Knock Life
Remake: Albel Nox and Sniper Kitty - It's My Big Hurt-Y
Song: Mulan - I'll Make A Man Out Of You
Remake: Chandler Detente - I'll Make More Money From Your Corpse
Song: Billy Joel - Why Should I Worry
Remake: Yuki Kurabasa - Who Should I Marry
Song: Carl Douglas - Kung Fu Fighting
Remake: Serene Elmirae - Bankai Knitting
Song: Black Eyed Peas - Let's Get It Started
Remake: Ein Beoulve - Let's Hug The Ovis Aries
Tuxedo Lightning
A sort of side note to the above mention of Ben's "GCS," Ben also has a penchant for playing the members of the Sailor Senshi (Sailor Scouts, for those who like English). This led to the writing of two different, strange asides of sorts by both Ben and Darius detailing their characters interacting with said females. In both instances, not only did Darius manage to hit on Makoto Kino, Sailor Jupiter, but he also managed to upstage heroines, villains, and ally alike as the snazzily-dressed Tuxedo Lightning, as he dubbed himself. This immediately led to four of the five Senshi getting electrocuted, along with Jadeite, Nephrite, Zoisite, and Kunzite getting nailed with a Spiral Masquerade Limit from Ben.
Whom Darius promptly left behind to go on a date with the aforementioned Sailor Jupiter, the only one to be left unharmed...except for Sailor Venus.
(I actually wrote a very short one-shot detailing this. Rather amusing, and pure crack, according to the others. Though, I wouldn't put it past Darius to pull something like that in actuality... ~ Ben)
Character Quirks
Notable Quotes
- "I know you can see all the subtle manipulations in one of Katanas DeValle's overarching and brilliant plans...but can you see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?!"
- ―Ben
- "Pooping is a spiritual experience."
- ―Angel
- "Well, I can't rely on my feminine wiles all the time..."
- ―Ben
- "If you'll excuse the pun, I'm "Chuck"ling."
- ―Angel, while discussing Chuck Norris jokes.
Roleplay Ridiculousness
(Ein Etchel Beoulve - Darius; Makoto Kino - Ben)
Ein Etchel Beoulve: The Negotiator says:
....B-Ben? looks up with the EYES ...Ben? You know...you know you're the greatest right? Best SeeD we've seen in a long time and all!
Makoto Kino: Senshi of Lightning, Sailor Jupiter says:
..........
Ein Etchel Beoulve: The Negotiator says:
....Oh, look, I dropped something! *gasps* Uh oh! This pay raise seems to have your name on it! How strange is that!
Makoto Kino: Senshi of Lightning, Sailor Jupiter says:
......
(Ben/Manes/Yuki - Ben; Celes - Angel)
(10:42 PM) Yuki Katsumi Kur: ...Any ideas?
Ben: Hm...you know? Just one.
A moment later, he closed his eyes.
Ben: Hey. Manes. I need a tour guide to the Nether Realm. It's your lucky day.
Manes: ...And what makes you think that I know my way around such a place?
Ben: ...Do I really have to answer that?
Manes: ......What's in it for me.
Ben: I won't have to come in there and rip the information out of you personally?
A moment passed.
Manes: ...Very well.
Ben: He smiled. Good.
(But...sometimes he doesn't have to say anything at all. Others do it for him.)
(12:39 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: Manes: Dark energy...tons of it. This place is precisely the negative counterpart of your precious Ethereal Realm. You may find Holy skills effective...or you may find them completely useless. I can't for the life of me remember which.
He smirks. Yuki just shivers.
(12:42 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes smirks at Ben/Manes.
Celes: For a freak, you're interesting.
(Dealen Tormin - Rubedo, Hikari Tanaka - Kari Inihara, Chief Inquisitor Margulis - Daniel Rydell.)
(3:21 AM) Dealen Tormin: B: Angel is talking about what he can do with Hyne's clothes.
(3:21 AM) Dealen Tormin: B: Ein: *eyes flashing*
(3:21 AM) Hikari Tanaka: M: I'll bet he knows one thing he can do with Hyne's clothes.
(3:21 AM) Dealen Tormin: B: O_O
(3:21 AM) Hikari Tanaka: M: *GONE*
(3:21 AM) Chief Inquisitor: ...
(Darius DeValle - Rubedo, Ben - Kari Inihara, Drew Carey - Daniel Rydell.)
(12:50 AM) Darius DeValle:: (Katanas: It's okay, Celes. You're not going [to save the world.] We're going [to save the world.])
(12:51 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: (Hey, Katanas looks like a...lonely man, you might say. All those military duties to take care of has to be tiring...*wink wink*)
(12:52 AM) Darius DeValle:: (Kisara: she looks at Celes ... 'That...that hussy! She's movin' in on my fine hunk of alchemist! I'd better do away with her while she's still in a weakened state...' )
(12:52 AM) Drew Carey: (Celes: You'll die once I'm used to this new world. Trust me.)
(12:53 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: (Kisara: O_O)
(Ben - Kari Inihara, Celes - Daniel Rydell.)
(1:31 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes: She shrugs. Maybe if we give them a tribute of fire and earth?
(1:31 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: ...Have you forgotten where we are?
(1:32 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes: Looks around The potential for fire is high.
(1:32 AM) Ben: 'Hikari no: We're in Hell. I'd hope so.
(1:33 AM) Commander of Bal: Celes: ... Deadpan. Oh, I get it.
(Princess Serenity - Kari Inihara, Haseo- Rubedo.)
(6:35 PM) Princess Serenit: *an eclipse overtakes the sun suddenly...then fades*
(6:37 PM) Haseo: Adept Rog: So, you do dress in the dark. Alright.
(6:37 PM) Princess Serenit: .....
(6:37 PM) Princess Serenit: *gape*
(6:40 PM) Princess Serenit: ...*sniffle* That was mean...
(6:40 PM) Haseo: Adept Rog: Opportunities such as that? Too good to pass up.
Ben: You know the Overlord was talking to someone like Grimmjow before all this started.
(5:32 PM) Grimmjow: What is thy bidding, my master?
(5:32 PM) Overlord: It's a disaster. Tri-Edge, we're after.
(5:32 PM) Grimmjow: What if he could be turned to the Dark Side?
(5:32 PM) Overlord: *stands up* Yes! He'd be a powerful ally...another Espada guy...
(5:32 PM) Grimmjow: He will join us or die.
